Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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