Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
