We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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