I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
