woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
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There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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