My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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