so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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