So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
