peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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