NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
