and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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