You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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