i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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