I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
