guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
