talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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