piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Randomize
