i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
