So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
