sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
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High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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