all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
