Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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