I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
