He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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