Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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