Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
