he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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