I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
