smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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