But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip