im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books