Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER