I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Brb crying the tears of my youth
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
