im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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