you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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