It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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