Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
