Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
