anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
