my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
