As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
