Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dick very happy bro
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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