he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
