The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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