Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
