Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize