the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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