it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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