I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
