i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
