Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
