No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
