i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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