ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
