that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
