U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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