A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
