He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You were trust falling into bushes
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
