is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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