You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
