Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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