I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
