Just fell off a train. Bad.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
