after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
