guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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